It has definitley been a convoluted 24 hours. Ever feel like you are awake in a dream? You try to step back and get a sense of the true situation, come to find out it is exactly what you first saw. Leaving you maybe more confused at the fact that it wasn't a misinterpretation after all.
What do you do when people change, become who they aren't meant to be. When parents become the children and children parent their own. I am a firm believer that people are in our lives for a reason, to fulfill a purpose. I also believe that often times once the purpose is met people drift apart. Not a bad thing, just happens. And just as often, relationships can become toxic. It is hard to let go of a toxic relationship, especially when it is family. I cannot waste my time and energy on a person who, for whatever reason, finds it neccesary to find fault in me. To blame me for their shortcomings. To hold me accountable for their bad choices. To be jealous of my circumstances and therefore harbor negativity. Whatever happened to calling your mother for advice, and reassurance? Instead I get chastised for being "fortunate". I get reminded of all the bad things I have ever done and not suffered the consequenses. I am scathingly called a bitch because I am honest.
I am not generally a judgemental person. I love my family and they all know that I am invested regardless of their circumstances. I truly believe that family is the apex of life. It is why I am so frustrated to find toxicity within mine. Not that there wasn't conflict. That is a neccesary evil. This goes beyond. I don't think that I can maintain this relationship. I don't think I have said that ever before about a family member.
