(side note)

OK, so, I have had a few people ask why Ty wasn't in any of the pictures of Roman. Simple. Roman died shortly (very) after I found out I was pregnant with Ty. In fact we hadn't even told some family members about the pregnancy until the funeral. It was a difficult pregnancy to say the least. Ty was born 6 weeks early and spent those 6 weeks in the NICU. It was horrifying. I was told that there was a 30% chance he would make it. He did. And we did. Although we are still paying for him.:) I don't recall ever feeling like I was pregnant and the whole labor and delivery seem like a dream. I kind of think it was a blessing that he spent that time in the hospital, because I don't think I was mentally prepared for him. It was almost as if he just appeared out of nowhere and the nurse said, "here is your baby!" shock. and thats the way it has been ever since. He is very intelligent. He could get on top of the fridge by his 1st birthday. He took all of 2 minutes to learn to ride his bike. He figured out how to defeat those doorknob covers on the first day. He does have some speech delay, but right now, listening to my kids fight, it doesn't seem like a bad thing!!!

The hardest part is not having a complete family picture. but I rest assured with one that Lexie made, mind you she was only 4 and in preschool. this hangs in our living room and I see it every day. Love how we ALL have angel wings.

waiting for the dryer

Here I am. Sitting on the couch, waiting for the dryer. Something I will unfortunately do several times today. I was checking my e-mail, wandered over to facebook and ended up here. I am ready for a new post. The last one was making me perpetually sad. I truly have alot to be thankful for and if THAT is the worst thing to happen to me, I will be thrilled. (I have a feeling it wont be) I have a fantastic husband (whom I just cursed out because he left a pile of laundry behind the closet door), a nice home, super-fantastic kids, a decent garden, a nice car (and truck), the opportunity to stay home with my kids (or clean up after them, however you want to look at it!). That list could go on forever. And as long of a list as it is, there will always be something missing. It is a fact, undeniable, unchanged forever. It is my acceptance of it that makes all the difference. I will still be sad and angry beyond words. March will hit me 1,000 times harder than September. Lexie will forever get shafted on her birthday. So will my brother. Yet I will always come out of it feeling REALLY thankful. I am grateful to everyone, even if their acts, words or comments went unacknowledged. Grateful.
Life continues. That is such a good thing.and a difficult thing all at the same time. Time does NOT heal all. It creates a bitterness. It takes away memories. It also seems to file down the raw edges of some pretty strong emotions. It allows and requires a person to expand their scope, their perspective.
I am trying. Thank you for enduring.
Time's up. There is the dryer, announcing another load is done.