Remember..

The Month of October is Infant and Child Death Remembrance Month.

October 15th is the recognized day of remembrance.

I would encourage you to do something. Maybe light a candle, write a note to a friend or family member who has been touched by an infant or child death, or visit the cemetery with flowers or balloons.
When I was maybe 5 or 6, my sister and I went to my grandparents house for Christmas. I remember sitting by the tree, looking at the gifts. I heard from the other room hushed whispers, and it being so close to Christmas, I couldn't resist the opportunity to maybe find out what surprises were in store. As I crept closer I could tell this was not a jubilant conversation that my grandmother and the other women were having, but instead a somber explanation. As I wasn't very old, I didn't fully understand the content, but I will never forget the tone. Being older, and having consulted my older cousins and Aunt, I now realize that the conversation held in my grandmothers kitchen was about an uncle that I had never known. Sherman. The following is as I understand it, and may not be totally accurate, as this was not a topic openly shared.
Sherman was my Grandparents oldest child. At the time, he was the only child. My grandparents, Merlin and Louise, were flood irrigating their property and Sherman was playing in the pooled water. I imagine him to be an inquisitive 2 year old, playing and splashing around. What happened next breaks my heart. Sherman must have been playing near the power pole and reached for the grounding wire. In an instant that must have lasted forever in his mothers heart, he was electrocuted.
I have never seen a picture of Sherman. I never had a chance to talk to my grandmother about him. He was forever in the most tender part of her heart. The part that broke every time she heard the whisper of his name. I had never seen my grandmother cry until that Christmas. and that was the only time. I was dying to know more, but I just couldn't bear to cause her tears. Now I know that feeling. This time it is my own. As hard as it is, I strive to keep Roman's memory alive. I, too, break at the whisper of Roman's name, but I cannot bear the thought of ignoring his memory.
There are so many people that hold a special little someone in that most tender part of their hearts. It is not openly talked about for many reasons. In some way we all know a mother who has left the hospital empty handed, or a father who watched his child suffer, a sister who only has the memory of a sibling or a brother who no longer has a buddy to play ball with. It is one of the greatest emotional setbacks to lose a child, regardless of age.
I would invite you to do a little something to remember Sherman, Roman, Vincent, Heather, Catherine and all the other little angels that left us too soon.

Remember October 15, 2008

no regrets

I was reading Camilles blog. She is, by the way, amazing. She posted some hilarious stories. I laughed. Some people were intensely critical. It made me think. "If someone would go out their way to voice their disdain over something like THAT, what would people say about me?" (No, I am not sharing:)) It also, for a second, made me think, "I wonder if she regrets doing that?" (by the way, you can read her blog for the whole story, link to the right).
And of course, that made me think about regrets in general. I will say right now that I have none. Not even one. I wouldn't necessarily share all of my skeletons, but I will not deny them. I came to a point in my early twenties. I had been married for a SHORT period of time and found myself filling out divorce papers. The thought kept running through my head that I never should have gotten married to begin with. Potential regret. It took me a loooong time to realize the importance of that failure. It was not a failure of marriage. It was a failure to listen to my heart.
Some of my 'learning experiences' have resulted in phenomenal insight. (Listening to my heart has served me well)
Others have made me realize what is obvious to the common person.
(those, by the way are the MOST embarrassing!)
Like how when a drive through says 'tight corner, no big trucks' it really means 'NOT YOU SHAWNA!!!' This past summer Jessie and I went through the Sonic drive through (on Fairview, west of Eagle road, in case you were wondering) and got stuck. By stuck I mean a Ford F-250 super duty quad cab, long bed wedged into the curbing with contact on the front passenger tire and the driver side rear tire. It wasn't apparent until after we placed our order, that I had stopped squarely in the 'dead zone'. Now with zero momentum, almost impossible to move. It must have taken a good 3 minutes, lots laughter, strong bladders, and some luck, but I did it. WE thought it was hilarious, and as we got up to the window, we realized that the whole staff had been watching our ordeal! The cashier tried to compose herself, as did we, to complete our transaction. So, nonchalantly, I asked if people get stuck in the drive through ofter. No longer able to contain themselves, the entire restaurant goes up in hysterical laughter.She said 'never'. More laughter. I have NEVER laughed so hard. The best part was telling Todd. Now, occasionally he will say, 'sounds like the alignment is off!' (Yeah, like you can HEAR that!!)
No regrets. Just not driving the truck through a drive through again, that's all!
I am happy where I am. I am here because of the mistakes I have made, and if I had it all to do again, knowing those mistakes would put me RIGHT HERE, I would do it without a doubt. Of course there are those 'crap, I should have put my lipstick out of the reach of a 2 year old!' No regrets. It helped me to discover Mr. Clean Magic Eraser! and where would I be without that!
I have learned to not buy a purse that cannot hold puke. Not to mop a tile floor in heels. NOT to say "pubic hair" within earshot of a preschooler right before class. Not to teach a dog to poop on a newspaper when you cannot figure out a way to teach him the difference between one that's been read and one that hasn't. Not to lie about my age. Not say nasty things when I am mad. Not to try to stand on top of a vinyl fence. the list could go on forever. I am laughing right now trying to figure out how much to divulge. Giggle. Still no regrets. lots of laughs. no regrets.

freakin' tag

thanks Kari!

9 TV shows I watch
1. the news
2. ......
3. ......
4. ......
5. ......
6. ......
7. ......
8. ......
9. ......

9 of my favorite Restaurants
1. Seriously, anywhere they don't allow highchairs
2.Where ever the cooking is done for you
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.

9 things that happened yesterday
1. woke up WAY too early
2. made a pot of coffee
3. made ANOTHER pot of coffee, and waffles
4. ate my waffles in bed:)
5. took a shower
6. made a quilt
7. talked on the phone
8. Stacy came over
9. Christy came over

9 things I am looking forward to
1. christmas
2. thanksgiving at the cabin
3. a smaller butt
4. fat free chocolate cake (hence the smaller butt)
5. self cleaning windows
6.
7.
8.
9.

9 things on my wishlist
1. the Moyer/Sanders compound
2. a smaller butt
3. to be mortgage free
4. cheaper diesel (much cheaper)
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.

9 People that I tag
1. Stacy
2. Camille
3. Marissa
4. Jessie
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.